Grief & Guidance | Dolphins Creations & Decor Ltd

Grief Resources

The death of someone we care about can be one of the most difficult experiences in life. Words fail to describe how painful the grief we feel can be. It is more challenging than we, or others, might expect.

These articles are meant to describe different types of grief; their intent is to help you understand your own, or to help you empathize with another person's grief.

These articles were written by Dr. Bill Webster, a Director of Grief Education, and are part of a comprehensive library available on The Center for the Grief Journey website. Dr. Bill is the founder and executive director of the Centre for the Grief Journey. He earned his doctorate at the University of Toronto in 1990, and has been awarded a prestigious fellowship in thanatology by the Association of Death Education and Counseling (ADEC).

Dr. Bill's knowledge of grief exists not just in theory, but from a very difficult personal experience. In 1983, Bill's young wife died suddenly of a heart attack. Her passing left him in the difficult situation of coping with immense loss while raising his two sons, who were only seven and nine when their mother died. Dr Bill has become a recognized author, and a renowned international speaker and seminar leader who draws from 30 years of experience in the field of grief support and counseling.

Understanding Grief

These articles will help you understand your own grief or the grief of another. Grief is not as simple as it's made out to be -- it is more than just "feeling sad."

10 Facts About Grieving

Coping with Loss

These articles will help you understand the dynamics of specific losses, such as the loss of a spouse, or the loss of friend.

Loss of a Spouse

Children and Grief

These articles will help you understand the grief process of a child, with tips on how to help them cope.

Loss From a Child’s Perspective

Helping Those Who Grieve

These articles will provide you with some useful information on how to help someone who is grieving, as well as tips on how to navigate special days and holidays, which can be especially difficult in the wake of a loss.

Helping Someone Grieving

Coping with Complicated Situations

Grief can come unexpectedly in life. These articles offer more specific information on certain types of grief, such as grief following a suicide, and grief in the workplace.

Grief After Suicide & Workplace Loss

Funeral Etiquette

Many of us are unsure about what encouraging words to say to the family or how to interact and respond to their feelings of sorrow. Knowing a few funeral etiquette rules can help anyone be more comfortable in both a funeral and visitation setting.

When Should I Visit?

Once you learn of someone’s death, visiting the family at their home is appropriate, but the funeral home is the best place to visit with family members and offer your condolences. For anyone wanting to visit and offer assistance to the family before services are held, these actions can provide additional comfort. Offering to bring food, household necessities, assist with childcare and handle any errands or chores are a few of the things you can do to assist the grieving family.

What Should I Say?

This is the most common question asked by someone wanting to pay their respects. While no words can adequately express the depth of a loss, offering a few kind words to the family of the deceased lets them know you care. Try to avoid airing your grievances or saying the deceased is in a better place now.

Where Should I Sit?

Many people attend funeral services and are unfamiliar with seating arrangements. Typically, at both the funeral and visitation service, the first rows of seats are reserved for family members. If you are not a part of the family, choose a seat behind the reserved seating.

What Should I Do?

Arriving on time is very important. When entering either the funeral home or another location, enter as quietly as possible. If you are attending the visitation, speak to the surviving family members and offer your condolences before taking a seat. Cellphone use during a service is inappropriate. If you feel you must answer a message or call, excuse yourself and walk into another room or outside.

What Should I Do About Children?

While there isn’t a definite answer to this question, a child attending a visitation or funeral service depends on the situation or relationship to the deceased and their family, as well as the age of the child and whether or not they can appropriately behave. If you decide to take your child to any service, explain what will occur while at the service and how they should act during that time.

What Should I Give?

Sending flowers to the funeral home or home is an appropriate way to offer condolences. In some cases, the family members may ask for donations to be made to a particular foundation in lieu of flowers, and those wishes should be honored. Bringing food to the grieving family is another way to show respect to those who are suffering from the loss. A less expensive and completely appropriate option would be to send the family a sympathy card. There is no specific time or expiration on when cards can be sent.

When Death Occurs

Immediately following the death of a loved one, there are many decisions that must be made. At this time, you may find your emotions are heightened, and for that reason it is a good idea to ask for help in making all the decisions and arrangements. Additionally, the funeral home’s staff is eager to assist you and the family in making the best decisions possible. This information can help guide you and your family through the process.

Contact The Proper Authorities

Before any arrangements and decisions can be made, a legal pronouncement of death must be declared. If your loved one dies inside of a medical or nursing facility like a hospital or nursing home, the staff will handle getting this declaration made. If your loved one dies at home, you need to immediately contact the local emergency officials to come and take them to a hospital where they can be legally declared dead. Family members who die under hospice care can be declared dead by the hospice staff. This legal declaration must be made before the family can proceed with making any funeral arrangements or handling any legal affairs.

Begin To Make Arrangements

Once your loved one has been declared dead you and your family can proceed with making any type of funeral arrangements. Your loved one may have pre-planned any type of services, and you and your family should first look into those choices. If your loved one has not made any previous type of arrangements, and you have decided on which funeral home you would like to use for the services, you will contact them and meet with the funeral director and begin discussing options.

During this time, if the deceased hasn’t made their final wishes known, the family will need to decide if they will bury or cremate the body, and what type of service should be held. These decisions include the time, date and location of any service; what type of casket or urn your loved one needs; drafting an obituary notice; deciding on pallbearers; and make any decisions about the specifics of the service like who the minister will be, what music will be played and who will speak.

As part of the process to begin making the funeral arrangements, if the deceased was active or retired military, contact the Veterans Administration to determine if they offer any death benefits or service options.